Life + Faith

The Real Me

Bill_Cosby_people_pleasing_quote Lifehacker_quote_bill_gates_comparison

I almost titled this post “I Feel Dead Inside” but I thought that sounded like a super-duper-downer and it’s really not totally true. ;)

My sporadic blog posting isn’t anything new, but I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately that has kept me from putting words down; some good, some bad, some amazing, but it’s all pointed me to one thing –

I think too much about:

  • What other people think.
  • What other people are doing.
  • What I think other people think of me.
  • What I think other people will think of me if I do what I want.
  • What I want to do.
  • What I should do.
  • What I should have done.
  • What I’m not doing.
  • What I’m doing that I don’t really want to be doing.
  • What I wish would happen.
  • What I should have said.
  • What I shouldn’t have said.
  • What I want to say but am too afraid to say.
  • Why I care what other people think of me.
  • Why I think I have to do what everyone else is doing to be successful.
  • Why me.
  • Why not me.
  • Why I have so many plans and no follow through.
  • Why I compare myself to other people.
  • Why I’m afraid of success.
  • Why I’m terrified of failure.
  • Why dreaming is so easy, and starting is so hard.
  • How did I get here, and how can I get away.
  • Why didn’t I start last year. Two years ago. Ten years ago.
  • Why I’m so shy.
  • Why I always say yes.
  • Why I feel guilty saying no.
  • Why I refuse to let anyone really get to know me.
  • Why I’ve given up every soul-filling self-employment thought I’ve ever had in the last five and a half years in order to convince myself that I should just suck it up and be thankful for a soul-suffocating corporate cubicle job that pays the bills.

That last one hit me the hardest. It’s when I realized that I’ve been faking it for so long that I don’t remember how it feels to be excited about pursuing a dream anymore. I don’t remember what it’s like to just be me. I’ve accepted a why bother attitude in every area of my life (career, health, personal relationships) and convinced myself that it just doesn’t matter, because it won’t turn out how I want it to anyway.

And then I said out loud, “STOP IT! What are you doing to yourself?!”

Wake up call accepted. Changes are in place.

I will no longer be living my life at the mercy of what other people want me to do for the sake of trying to please everyone, all the time.

I will live my life fully. Open. Honest. True to who I was created to be.

I believe an introduction is in order:

Hi, My name is Tiffany.

  • I am an introvert. A happy, creative, quiet, lost in thought, introvert.
  • I love dancing – this will never change. I think building muscle is important, but I don’t think you have to do it in front of a gym mirror. I don’t like running. The only thing I like even less than running is speed-walking. I want to run because it will get me places faster than walking will.
  • I named this blog because everyone else is/was talking about weight lifting and running, and I wanted to somehow fit in. I regret this decision.
  • I don’t want to chronicle my daily battle with weight loss, take pictures of my food, share locker room selfies, or review products I don’t absolutely love and wouldn’t continue to pay for on my own past hitting publish. I only want to share things I’m learning through this process, and things I feel will add value to my little space on the internet. I’m a very private person in real life, and I don’t know why I thought that would change with blogging.
  • I do lean ‘paleo’ but if I want to eat a piece of bread or drink a sugar filled pumpkin spice latte I’m not going to feel guilty about it.
  • ‘Fitspiration’ photos are not inspiring to me, and I have no desire to chisel out a six-pack or wear booty shorts to the gym.
  • Beautiful photos of dancers in action keep me motivated.
  • I’m considering rolling this blog into my other website because I crave simplicity, and I’ve made things far more complicated than they need to be.
  • I have a dream to make a documentary of my weight loss through dancing and share it with the world. I have no idea where to start, but I’m going to make it happen.

I am so grateful for the communities this blog has allowed me to be apart of, and I hope you’re willing to stick with me as I implement the changes to live the life I truly want to live.

 

How’s 2013 treating you? Or really, how are you treating yourself? Any big scary revelations you’re taking action on?

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13 Comments

  • Reply Kate March 4, 2013 at 7:43 am

    Girl! Follow your bliss. Just be you, DO you and everything else will fall into place. I read your blog because I like who you are, not because you follow some “rules” about how to have a weight loss/healthy living blog. I think most people feel the same way : )

  • Reply Patty March 4, 2013 at 8:12 am

    I love this post and I’m so glad you made this declaration of you! It’s your blog and it should reflect the beautiful amazing person you are! Love you…for you! xoxo

  • Reply Less March 4, 2013 at 3:27 pm

    Do what makes you happy! If this blog isn’t it, then focus on something else.

    And now I am thinking about pumpkin spice lattes… Fortunately it is way too hot here to consider having one.

  • Reply Emmie March 4, 2013 at 4:01 pm

    I needed to hear this today and I’m so thankful you posted it. There is no sense in posting things that aren’t reflective of who we are, despite what others do (or want you to do). xo

  • Reply Sylvia @cowgirlwarrior March 6, 2013 at 4:50 am

    Beautiful post and you are so brave. Thank you for this.

  • Reply Lisa March 6, 2013 at 8:32 am

    Love this post. Can relate to so much!

  • Reply Erica March 12, 2013 at 6:20 pm

    I just found your blog, and I think I’m a little in love with you. Weird?

    • Reply Tiffany March 15, 2013 at 12:42 pm

      Not weird… I AM kind of awesome. haha! I shall now social-media-stalk you. It’s my love language. ;)

  • Reply Removing Pain and Shame | Is your Diet making you fat ? March 15, 2013 at 11:51 pm

    […] of Dance, Lift, Run posted a wonderful, must-read post called “The Real Me.” It struck a deep chord within as I struggle to find equilibrium between being exactly who I […]

  • Reply Debo March 16, 2013 at 10:06 pm

    Hi, my first time to your site. Emmie posted your link on her site and encouraged us to stop by and I’m glad I did. I feel your list is the same list hundreds of thousands of us have carried around for years. And unfortunately, some of us will not be courageous enough to change. Good luck!

  • Reply Nicole March 20, 2013 at 1:54 pm

    I look forward to meeting you at FitBloggin’!

  • Reply Jodi @ Jodi, Fat or Not March 23, 2013 at 6:20 am

    Hi! I just found your blog! I struggled with a lot of these same thoughts when I first started blogging – I didn’t want to promote anything I didn’t truly believe in and didn’t want to feel inauthentic. Weight loss is hard (especially for us with 100+ to lose) and I didn’t want to make it the breezy self improvement journey some other people portray. I can’t wait to see where you take this! Good luck!

  • Reply Don’t Wait Until Tomorrow | Dance.Lift.Run. Weight Loss Blog March 28, 2013 at 1:37 am

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