Sometimes, you just need a break. A long one. A break from pretty much everything, including all things social media related. A time to regroup, rethink, reprioritize, and reboot. A time to clean, and redecorate because you’ve lived in the same place for four years with framed art leaning against walls. A time to shut down all your online dating profiles because — I don’t even want to talk about it right now. A time to just, be.
And by you, I mean me. And by break, I mean five months of nothing but alone time, family time, reading time, and why-can’t-I-work-from-home-all-the-time time. It’s been fantastic. But it’s also the time of year when I barely see daylight (go to work in the dark, come home in the dark) and my depression starts to worm its way back into my life and I have to try really, really, really, really hard to stay positive. Last winter I made it through unscathed; this winter, not so much.
I watched a futuristic movie once, about a classroom of kids preparing for their one day a year outside in real sunlight (instead of in front of sunlamps because the air is so bad). But when it comes time to go outside, a group of bullies locks a girl in a closet and you watch as everyone else plays happily outside, and all she can do (after screaming to get out without anyone hearing her) is watch a sliver of sunlight grow and then fade from under the door.
I think about that movie a lot (probably more than I’d care to admit), because it pretty much sums up how I feel in the winter. Like everyone else is out having a happy-go-lucky time and I’m stuck in my depressive gloom only catching glimpses of metaphorical sunlight. I’ve learned to hide it pretty well, but yeah, it’s really like that.
So, the biggest thing I’m trying to remember, is that the daylight hours will continue to get longer and longer and the sun will eventually shine again. Actually, that’s kind of dramatic — it has been shining here, I just haven’t seen that much of it! I’m thinking I should try to figure out how to move south for the winters…
That’s why I’m showing you photos of summer camping trips instead of anything I’ve done in the last 5 months… because I really just need some green trees and blue skies right now. There’s a reason they’re my favorite colors.