I tried to make it through today without feeling bitter about still being single and alone, I really did, but my final nightly check of Facebook has done me in.
There are days where I am perfectly content and happy to be single. I can do whatever I want, whenever I want, for however long I want. I can read in silence, watch marathons of Law & Order, Leverage, and HGTV without anyone trying to change the channel, or I can do absolutely nothing at all without feeling any sort of obligation to anyone else.
There are long stretches of days where I don’t worry about it, because I know I’m complete, and whole, and living a pretty decent life all on my own. It is also in these days that I’m pretty sure that if I just keep living my life, one day I’ll meet the right guy and our pieces will fall into place.
Today is not one of those days.
Today I’m certain that I will be alone forever, and that no man will ever be willing to get to know me enough to want to spend the rest of his life with me. Today I am certain that all the good men have already been taken, and it doesn’t really matter anyway because there was never anyone out there for me to begin with. Today I am certain that I will never have a family that does not consist solely of a house full of cats.
Today I am mad at everyone who has ever tried to tell me (at 34) that they know how hard it is find the right guy, when they themselves were married between the ages of 19 and 25. You have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about, so please stop trying – you’re really just making it worse.
Today I think that if I had lost any amount of weight over the last 10 years I’ve been talking about it, that I would be happily married by now.
And then I ugly cry for 15 minutes and somehow snap out of it because at the end of the day, I have a pretty great life. It’s nothing like what I imagined it would be when I was younger, but I have a lot to be grateful for and a lot of life lessons under my belt.
So until the day that I hopefully meet Mr. Right-for-me, I will continue to live life, not just sitting around waiting for something to happen. I will also continue to harbor crushes on a man who probably doesn’t know I exist; a man who lives across the country; and another who is probably too young for me… I’m not a player I just crush a lot. #oldschool